I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i would punch a child for taco bell
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I just blew my weed a kiss
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm too high and old for this...
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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