who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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