i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
