You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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