Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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