Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize