Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
