Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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