He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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