Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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