I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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