Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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