I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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