I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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