i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
