if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
