We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
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