i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
