he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
