we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
