The beers last night were like the tears from god
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
