Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
