is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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