dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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