Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
