it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
