New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Come on in and take your pants off
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