Please, let me fuck your mom
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
