I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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