I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Randomize
