why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I want a musical about memes.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
