sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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