What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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