i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Last time i carry you out of a forest
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Randomize