haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
