So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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