i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
