Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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