You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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