I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
