I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wish you could order shots online.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
