Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
