I cockslap morals
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
