I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
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Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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