And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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