There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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