Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
