its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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