So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
