I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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