hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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