Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
