My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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