It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
