so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
