my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Randomize
