I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
